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Hello? Hello hello?

Uh, I wanted to record a message for you, to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you, I’m finishing up my last week now as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I’m here to tell you there’s nothing to worry about, Uh, you’ll do fine. So, let’s just focus on getting you through your first week, okay?

Uh, let’s see, first there’s an introductory greeting from the company, that I’m supposed to read. Uh, it’s kind of a legal thing, you know.

Um, “Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, a magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced.” Blah blah blah.

Now that might sound bad, I know. But, there’s really nothing to worry about.

Uh, the animatronic characters here, do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay.

So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they’re left in some kind of free roaming mode at night, uh, something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long? Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too, but then there was The Bite of ’87. Yeah. I-It’s amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?

Uh, now concerning your safety. The only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won’t recognize you as a person. They’ll pr-They’ll most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now, since that’s against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, they’ll probably try to…forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn’t be so bad, if the suits themselves weren’t filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices. Especially around the facial area. So you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort, and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask. Heh. Yeah, they don’t tell you these things when you sign up.

But hey, first day should be a breeze. I’ll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night.

Uhh, Hello? Hello?

Uh, well, if you’re hearing this and you made it to day two, uh, congrats! I-I won’t talk quite as long this time, since Freddy and his friends tend to become more active as the week progresses. Uh, it might be a good idea to peek at those cameras while I talk, just to make sure everyone’s in their proper place. You know. Uh, interestingly enough, Freddy himself doesn’t come off stage very often. I heard he becomes a lot more active in the dark though, so, hey, I guess that’s one more reason not to run out of power, right?

I-I also want to emphasize the importance of using your door lights. Uh, there are blind spots in your camera views, and those blind spots happen to be right outside your doors. So if you can’t find something – or someone – on your cameras, be sure to check the door lights. Uh, you might only have a few seconds to react. Uh, not that you would be in any danger, of course. I’m not implying that.

Also, check on the curtain in Pirate Cove from time to time. The character in there seems unique in that, he becomes more active if the cameras remain off for long periods of time. I guess he doesn’t like being watched. I don’t know.

Uh, anyway, I’m sure you have everything under control! Uh, talk to you soon!

Hello, hello?

Hey you’re doing great! Most people don’t last this long! I mean, you know, they usually move on to other things by now. I’m not implying that they died. Th-th-that’s not what I meant.

Uh, anyway, I better not take up too much of your time. Things start getting real tonight.

Uh, Hey, listen. I had an idea. If you happen to get caught and want to avoid getting stuffed into a Freddy suit, uh, try playing dead! You know, go limp. Then there’s a chance that, uh, maybe they’ll think that you’re an empty costume instead. Then again if they think you’re an empty costume, they might try to, stuff a metal skeleton into you. I wonder how that would work.

Y-Yeah, never mind, scratch that. I-It’s best just, not to get caught.

Uh, ok, I’ll leave you to it. See you on the flip side!

Hello hello?

Hey! Hey, wow, day four. I knew you could do it.

Uh, hey, listen, I may not be around to send you a message tomorrow. *door bangs are heard here, and continue throughout the call* It’s-It’s been a bad night here for me. Um, I-I’m kinda glad that I recorded my messages for you *clears throat* uh, when I did.

Uh, hey, do me a favour. Maybe sometime, uh, you could check inside those suits in the back room? I’m gonna try to hold out until someone checks. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Uh, I-I-I-I always wondered what was in all those empty heads, back there.

*Freddy’s “Toreador March” music plays*

You know…*animatronic moan is heard, the same as when you have your monitor up, and an animatronic has got into the room*

Oh, no – *garbled scream that more closely resembles Golden Freddy’s scream, followed by static*

Sir, it is lamentable that mass agricultural development is not speeded by fuller use of your marvellous mechanisms.

Would it not be easily possible to employ some of them in quick laboratory experiments to indicate the influence of various types of fertilizers on plant growth?

You are right.

Countless uses of Bose instruments will be made by future generations.

The scientist seldom knows contemporaneous reward;

it is enough to possess the joy of creative service.

---

–Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda
-Chapter 8
-Paragraph 36

because this whois or that phone number or this conspiracy OH LOOK SECRET TEXT I’M GONNA TYPE SOMETHING CONSPIRACY-LIKE. LOOKIT ME, I’M SCOTT! HEY GUYS, REMEMBER 1987?!?! HAHA THERE IS NOTHING IN THE BOX EXCEPT FOR THE COLLABORATIVE TEARS OF THE FNAF COMMUNITY. ALSO THERE IS TOTES A PINK GUY AND HE IS THE OWNER OF CANDY’S BURGER AND FRIES WHICH IS ALSO MADE BY ME AND IS 100% CANON! FOR PINK GUY, IT WAS ALL A SETUP TO BOOST SALES AT CANDY’S SO THEY WOULD GET ALL OF THE MONEY IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER. WELL I GOT TO GO SWIM IN MY GOLDEN MONEY-POOL! SEE YOU LATER SUCKERS!

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